The Displacement Button

Hello World,

Today I present to you one of my most favorite concepts that in a perfect world would likely be completely unnecessary, but in our rather shitty existence would be without doubt the most functional of all devices.

The Displacement Button

The Displacement Button is a vehicle mounted device thats sole purpose is to render the bad drivers of the world insane.

Imagine you’re running late for work one morning and are driving a bit more recklessly than is advisable by the Secretary Of State, you slalom between cars in a futile attempt to get to work on time when all of the sudden you see a brilliant flash of light and you find yourself instantly parked back home in your driveway.

You have been Displaced!

The premise is really very simple, every licensed driver is provided with a free displacement button for their own personal vehicle. They are empowered by the state to displace anyone who drives poorly, unsafely, or those who aren’t paying adequate attention to the road.

Jane Smith is a cautious and defensive driver, never had a ticket, and never been in an accident. She observes John Doe driving like a bat out of Hell to wherever he needs to be so urgently. She presses her displacement button and speaks the license plate number aloud. A pleasant voice chimes from within the device asking for her confirmation, and with a polite “yes” the car and it’s driver are instantly teleported back to his point of origin.

The displacement process temporarily disables the cars engine so that when they arrive back at their point of origin there is no unexpected movement from the vehicle.

The rules are simple:

For the Displacer

  1. You are alloted 3 displacements per running session – meaning once you start your car you get 3, and once you turn off the car the displacement counter resets.
  2. You may not use the displacement button on the person who last displaced you – this would count as revenge displacement and is not allowed.

For the Displaced

  1. You are allowed 3 instances of displacement per day – if you are displaced more than 3 times in a single day you must wait 20 hours before your vehicle is again operational. The engine is disabled. You will probably lose one day of work unless you find alternate means of transportation which may equate to the cost of your average reckless driving citation.
  2. If you are displaced more than 10 times in a month you will be required to attend a driver safety course at your expense. Or if your time is more valuable than money, you may also pay a sizable fee in lieu of attendance, however you will accrue points on your license.

The Displacement Button would certainly change the commuting world as we know it. Lives saved, fewer accidents, less overall insurance costs, more money in everyones pocket. And let’s face it, the world is full of angry, irresponsible drivers who really shouldn’t have gotten their license in the first place. This device would change the daily grind into something much more fluid and better for everyone….God would have done it if he’d had the time.


Mr. Black

~ by fblack2 on May 14, 2008.

One Response to “The Displacement Button”

  1. Okay Mr. B, I like your displacement button, but I would add a clause for the number of times you are alowed to displace the same person.

    If a coworker or somebody that doesn’t like you wanted to get you in trouble they could send you back home every morning and say that you are always late. (not that any of us would know a person like that)


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